It has been awhile since I’ve entered anything here. Mom’s death left me drained both mentally and physically. It was hard enough to think what I needed to do from day to day, let alone figure out how to put my thoughts and feelings into words.
Thanksgiving and Christmas have come and gone since my last post. We had Thanksgiving at Aunt Doris and Uncle Bob’s. Mom was missed but Christmas was much more of a challenge for me. Christmas was Mom’s holiday. She was like a little kid. We made it through the day and the week that followed, but there was definately and sadness in my heart. I could have skipped Christmas all together but Mom would have struck Dad and I both down.
I had started a new relationship just before Christmas. Things seemed to be going ok. There were a lot of things that ended up getting in the way and we broke up with a nasty battle of words. That’s fine. I’m more comfortable by myself anyway. Tinkerbell and I enjoy each other’s company. Tink lets me know with a growl when she doesn’t agree with something I do. I don’t have to interpret hidden signals or double edged meanings. Maybe I’ll find someone special someday. Maybe I won’t. For now, I am content to deal with my life as it comes.
They set Mom’s stone about a week or so before Easter. I went to the cemetary by myself Easter morning. Tears fell as I thought about how Mom would be celebrating Easter in heaven this year at Jesus’ side. Doris called and asked what we wanted to do for Easter dinner. Dad and I decided that we would just go out to eat. No sense the bunch coming in from out of town and having to cook or drag it all in. It was a idea.
Yesterday was Mother’s day. I took some snips for the Lilac Tree in the back yard and put them on the grave. I’m glad she didn’t want buried back ‘in the old country’ as she called it. As I stood there, I realized what Mom meant one time long ago when she talked about going back to visit her Dad’s grave and feeling like he wasn’t there. While I know Mom’s body is there below that stone, I know her spirit rests with God. She is free from the Cancer that took her strength.
I hope to start a weekly update here, a journel of my silliness, as it were.