Life

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Time Flies…

Posted by Cappy on April 28, 2014
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The sound booth

The Control Booth

For the last few weekends, I have been helping the group from the West Middlesex Presbyterian Church prep for their Dinner Theater production.  This was the 20th year they have done a production.  I remember back when they first started the Dinner Theater.  Things were really simple.  Limited sound equipment and lighting got them through the show.  As the years went on, more people joined the cast and more technology was added.  I got a call from a friend asking if I could give the Dinner Theater group a hand installing some new equipment.

It seems like such a long time ago.  As I looked back through my pictures, I count nearly 10 years.  Has it really been that long?!  Not only did I help them hook up the piece of equipment they bought, but I helped play the CD’s that year.  We used two portable CD players… Not the Boom Box kind, mind you… These were the little portable Discman type units that where the predecessors to today’s iPods and MP3 players.  It took two people because the person running the CD players had his hands full trying to see the little screens and push the tiny buttons.   Today, the show uses dual drive DJ CD players that will play just about any format of music you can put in to them.  Heck… You don’t even need the CD anymore.  The new units will take a memory card or jump drive too.  The old, hand-me-down, lights are gone.  LED lights with computer based control system now hang in their place.  Twelve wireless microphones tie the performers to the mixing console.

The final show ended Sunday afternoon.  As I sat eating dinner after leaving the church, I thought about how my life has changed over the years… just like the show.  There was a time in my life that I did sound on a much more regular level.  I busted my butt for very little money.  It wasn’t really about the money at that point in my life.  It was that I was doing something I loved to do and enjoying it.  Then as now, things changed.  I gave up that life and returned to West Middlesex.  My job now is very different from what I thought I would be doing at this point in my life.  The pay is much better but the enjoyment isn’t there.

I went to technical school for Electronics Engineering Technology.  I stayed away from anything related computers because, while I enjoyed messing with them, I got bored quickly.  My dream job was to work in the Imagineering Department at Disney.  I should have followed through on that.  Today, I’m an I.T. Project Manager for our Infrastructure group… Right in the place I didn’t want to go in my school days.  As I look back at the decisions I’ve made in life, I wonder what would have happened had I tried to get in at Disney. Where would I be if I stayed with doing sound?  There are a lot of “What if’s” I could ask.  I try not too let them get to me.

I do things like the Dinner Theater for the enjoyment of it.  As we setup the tech for this year’s Dinner Theater, I realized that I’m definitely not as young as I used to be.  Climbing ladders and running cable took a toll on my back.  If I tried to do the things now that I used to do, I’d probably end up in the hospital.  Maybe some day before I die, I’ll be able to work in the industry I dreamed of back in high school.  It would be great to retire from a career that you really enjoy working in.   As it is, I’ll keep plugging a long picking up little things to keep the memories alive.

~Cappy

Letter from a farm kid (now at San Diego, Marine Corps Recruit Training)

Posted by Cappy on June 26, 2012
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Marine Cartoon

Dear Ma and Pa:

I am well. Hope you are too. Tell Brother Walt and Brother Elmer that the Marine Corps beats working for old man Minch by a mile. Tell them to join up quick before all of the places are filled.

I was restless at first because you have to stay in bed till nearly 6 a.m., but I am getting so I like to sleep late. Tell Walt and Elmer all you do before breakfast is smooth your cot and shine some things. No hogs to slop, feed to pitch, mash to mix, wood to split, fire to lay… practically nothing. Men got to shave but it’s not so bad… there’s warm water. Breakfast is strong on trimmings like fruit juice, cereal, eggs, bacon, etc., but kind of weak on chops, potatoes, ham, steak, fried eggplant, pie, and other regular food, but tell Walt and Elmer you can always sit by the two city boys that live on coffee. Their food plus yours holds you ’til noon when you get fed again. It’s no wonder these city boys can’t walk much.

We go on “route marches,” which the platoon sergeant says are long walks to harden us. If he thinks so, it’s not my place to tell him different. A “route march” is about as far as to our mailbox at home. Then the city guys get sore feet and we all ride back in trucks.

The country is nice but awful flat. The sergeant is like a school teacher. He nags a lot. The captain is like the school board. Majors and colonels just ride around and frown. They don’t bother you none.

This next will kill Walt and Elmer with laughing. I keep getting medals for shooting. I don’t know why. The bulls-eye is near as big as a chipmunk head and don’t move, and it ain’t shooting at you like the Higgett boys at home. All you got to do is lie there all comfortable and hit it. You don’t even load your own cartridges. They come in boxes.

Then we have what they call hand-to-hand combat training. You get to wrestle with them city boys. I have to be real careful though, they break real easy. It ain’t like fighting with that ole bull at home. I’m about the best they got in this except for that Tug Jordan from over in Silver Lake. I only beat him once. He joined up the same time as me, but I’m only 5’6″ and 130 pounds and he’s 6’8″ and near 300 pounds dry.

Be sure to tell Walt and Elmer to hurry and join up before other fellers get onto this setup and come stampeding on in.

Your loving daughter,
Alice

Racing around the ring of life..

Posted by Cappy on June 9, 2011
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Last week I had the oppurtunity to take a weeks vacation. I had a great time at Disney World. I even had the oppurtunity to surprise a friend over the weekend on the way home.

This week has just about drained all that enjoyment out of me. Its amazing how location and environment can take you from one emotional level to another so quickly. This week has been such a drain that I almost feel sick to my stomach. I’m hoping that its more all the things I did last week catching up to me than it is depression at the things I’ve had to deal with since I got back home.

I look around as life zips by and see so many things falling through the cracks. Maybe I should liken it more to water being splashed out of a bucket as I go down life’s roads. I think we get so caught up in the pace of life that we totally forget what we were meant to do or be.

Maybe I’m just tired. I’ll see as the weekend approaches. Hopefully, I will get caught up and things will look brighter. I know that in the back of my mind there are memories of the events that took place almost a year ago. Those memories aren’t helping how I feel.

I’ll sit back with Tink again tonight and try to relax my brain. Life will continue on around me, of that I’m sure.

Thoughts and things….

Posted by Cappy on July 22, 2010
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I sit here at work stressed out not wanting to do anything. Waves of sadness, anger, depression and fear wash over me from time to time as I think about where things stand in my life right now. I almost want to go lock myself in a dark room and shut out everything today. Everything is going wrong or at least that’s how it seems. Mom’s cancer catching up to her. Problems with my truck that were caused by an aftermarket dealer who should know what he’s doing. Work not being what I want. My relationship status is not where I’d hoped it could be.

Sadness…

Over the last five years or so I’ve watched Mom battle cancer. Most of the fight has been surprisingly better than expected. The aggressive cancer type she had pops up and gets beaten down by the chemo or radiation. It rears its ugly head somewhere else and we change treatments and move on. She has remained pretty active and has had realitively few bad side affects from the chemo. She gets tired, food changes flavor and she’s lost her hair more than once, but all in all its been a good fight. Two weeks ago today, she could not sleep laying down. That Friday, Dad took her to the emergency room not able to breathe well. Since then things have not looked good. The doctors all ask how long she’s been on oxygen. We tell them that it’s only been in the last two weeks and they look at us surprised. What do they know that we do not?

Anger…

I get angry easily these days. Angry at the stupidity of people. Angry at myself for not being better prepared. This anger shifts to Mom and Dad from time to time as it seems they just want to wait it out and not take action. I don’t want to put Mom through any more than she needs to do. It’s already been a long fight, but I don’t want to lose her either. There are legal things that need addressed so that she gets the treatments she wants or does not want. Every day we wait is one more day that she is less able to make her own choices. I was angry at the doctor in Pittsburgh for being so blunt about her prognosis. He was upset with Mom and Dad for not having discussed how things should progress as the cancer gained more ground. I understand that he has seen so many people come through his office unprepared for what is coming that he feels the need to emphasise just how import planning is. I get angry at my aunts for coming to ‘help’ with Mom and then tearing the house apart around her. It frustrates Mom and she doesn’t need that. I go home at night to my own house and shed tears because I’ve had to fight anger all day. Anger I know is missplaced and is hurting noone but me.

Depression…

I am most comfortable when I’m by myself. I don’t like to ask for help but will if necessary. I’ve fought depression for years. I’ve learned to look inside myself to find the strength to go on from day to day. Right now, however, I’m lost within my own soul. Friends and family stand beside me, doing their best to hold me up. While I appreciate their strength and love, I try to fight for the strength to hold on and be strong for Mom and Dad. I thought I’d probably not be able to sleep because of all the emotions spinning through my mind. I find myself falling into deep depression induced sleep as soon as I stop moving. I think of the future and realize there are things Mom has hoped to see happen in my life that she mostly won’t get to see. Things like my wedding day… Grandchildren… Hell.. I don’t even know if they’ll happen or not. Tears well up as I think of this. I don’t want to lose her!!!

Faith…

A lot of folks have asked me to speak with my pastor. I don’t have one any more. A pastor and church ‘family’ in my past has become a stumbling block to my faith. While I do believe whole heartedly that God exists and is in control of our lives, the Church itself has lost its importance in my life. I had my heart ripped out by people who were supposed to be the ones that loved me. It hurt Mom badly when I left the church. I know she shed tears over it. In time, they saw the changes I saw and now have moved to another church. I pray silently when I feel angry, sad and/or depressed that God will lift me up and will hold Mom close as she continues down whatever road He chooses to take her. I appreciate all those of you who are my friends whether only on the net or you are folks I’ve met and spend time with. If it weren’t for your thoughts and prayers, my faith would probably be completely gone.

Pain and Hurt…

It tore me up when my Grandparents (Mom’s parents) passed. They were an example of faith and strength in my life. Mom has had faith beyond measure that she would endure through the last five years. I know that she will have her place in Heaven with them. I watched as my Grandmother fought cancer and won, only to have demensia take her mind from her. As hard as it is for me to see Mom sick, I hope that she doesn’t have to go through that. It was hard on the whole family. Am I selfish to ask that if the Lord is going to take her, that he take her quickly and not let her suffer? It hurts me to think I would want to see her pass from her pain and suffering. I feel like such a terrible son at times.

Whatever comes these next few days.. weeks… months.. I will do my best to fight for her and help wherever I can.

Lord hold me up. Give me strength to keep going. Give me the inner peace to go on. Give Dad the strength and comfort that he requires to deal with all that this has brought. Most of all lift Mom up and hold her in your mercy that only you can provide.