This week has been a week of small accomplishments and a couple big ones. 

I found saddle bags and brackets for Maggie.  I may need to adjust them a bit but they are on and functional.  I’ve been looking for these things for a year.  My bike has swept pipes that limit the height of the bags.  The sliding backrest adds another barrier.  I like the look of them.  They are smaller than what I’d hoped would fit but they are big enough to get the stuff I carry all the time out of my backpack, leaving it empty for larger things like trips to the store or over night travel.

I have been sleeping on my airbed because of my back. I got it moved into my bedroom to try and normalize my life a bit.  The only problem I had was that there isn’t anything in my room to pull myself up with.  I have been searching for a queen size frame to get it up to normal height.  Tonight, I managed to find a frame and boards to act as slats.  The airbed is now the same height as my regular bed.  Its going to take time for Tink to get used to the changes.  She doesn’t like when I move things around.  This is probably the third or forth move since my back went wonky at the beginning of April.

I got the air conditioners put in and some other little chores done.  I’m struggling to get my sugar stabilized.  Its down in the range where the doc wants it but I have to eat about every two hours to keep it from going too low.  He wants me to eat small meals/snacks instead of changing my meds… at least at this point.  It gets frustrating when you eat a decent meal and crash two hours later.  I’ve been losing weight… A trend I hope continues.  I have to tinker with the snacks and what I eat so that its enough to keep my sugar up but not so much that I gain the weight back.  Its a work in progress.

My back had been doing much better until the weather went sour again.  It now hurts like it did before the last epidural.  I’m hoping its only the weather.  The airbed is great because I can sleep on my back unlike when I slept on my normal bed.  I get much more rest.  I priced a Temperpedic bed. WOW! Pricey!  That’s probably what I will buy though when the time comes.  I have tested them and they are very comfortable.  It will be queen size also.  My regular bed is a full size and my feet hang out over it.  The queen size airbed is nice because I have plenty of room.  Tink likes that fact as well.  She doesn’t get rolled on by some big oaf in the middle of the night.  🙂

I have a couple more little chores and other things to accomplish yet.  I will continue to do what I can as I can.  Little or big is a step in the right direction. Now… if I don’t fall out of bed tonight since I’m another 8 inches off the floor.  If you hear a thump coming from North Street… It was just me.  LOL.  My little triumphs have made me pleasantly happy for a change, especially when I started the day in such a crappy mood.

I’m going to finish watching tonight’s Merlin and hit the bed.  I need the rest. Tomorrow may prove to be a long day.

Goodnight!

~Cappy

… or an explanation of why I was so torqued after my visit to Dr. Donaldson today.

Clarification

First, I would like to clarify that Dr. Donaldson and his staff were very knowledgeable and friendly.  When the time comes for my back surgery, whether it is now or later sometime, he will definitely be the one I look to do the cutting.  That being said, I feel an explanation for my anger is required.

It Starts Here

Last week, I had an MRI on my back to determine what is causing the pain radiating down my right leg and across my lower back.  I already knew what it was because I’ve been dealing with it for the last 11 years.  The flare up this time is much different.  There are no spasms down my leg… just raw pain clear to my toes.  So much so, that I can’t sleep at night.  Monday night I had an appointment with my family doctor to review the MRI results.  This is where my aggravation with today starts.

You may or may not know that family medicine doctors are not always trained to read tests directly from their original media (ie: X-rays, EKG’s, MRI Images, CAT scans etc).  What they get is a summary report written by a doctor who is trained to read the media.  On Monday, my family doctor pulled up this summary report to review it with me.  I could see it on the screen and read it.  Its no secret, after all, they are my MRI results.  The first few lines made mention of severe deterioration of all disks below T11.   There was some medical terminology that lead my doc to believe that T11/12 disk was protruding into the spinal column.  I could see a measurement listed but I’m not familiar with the scaling of the disks to know what it should be in relation to normal.

He noted several symptoms that are caused by this kind of injury.  I had all of them.  He then went to say that this type of injury could lead to paralysis if I twisted wrong or fell.  He commented that he didn’t think I golfed or road motorcycles because those would be very dangerous things for me to do.  I told him I did own a motorcycle and ride quite frequently.  He told me that I should not be doing anything more than going to work and coming home to rest.  Work would even be out of the question if my job required lifting or climbing.  He said that it looked to him like it was time to see a Spinal Surgeon.  Not just any orthopedic surgeon, this had to be a specialist because of the nature of the damage at T11/12.

I asked him about L4/5 and L5/S1 because that is where the pain was generating from that was keeping me from sleeping.  He told me that he didn’t think that the surgeon would consider L4/L5 until he looked at T11/12.  Maybe the surgeon might do both areas since he was already in the back working but T11/12 was definitely the priority right now.  I asked about the epidural that was scheduled for Thursday.  He told me we should leave that on the table as an option right now but he didn’t feel it would buy me anything at this time.  I left the office dejected and extremely concerned. If my pain at L4/5 was this bad and he’s now telling me T11/12 is critical and could cause paralysis, things must be really a mess at T11/12.

The Surgeon

I was surprised when I got a call from my family doctor’s office on Tuesday morning stating they already had me an appointment with Dr. Donaldson.  I had been reading up on Dr. D.’s credentials and reviews on the internet.  He came well regarded and had some really good medical background in my untrained opinion.   I talked to my neighbor Tuesday night.  Dr. D had done his back surgery and was well liked.  Throughout the day Wednesday, I received many comments from friends that they had used or had loved ones who had used Dr. D. as well.  All agreed that he was the man for the job.  This belayed some of my concerns.  I was pretty sure I was going to the right place.

I arrived at Dr. D.’s office ready to hear the worst.  I talked with a couple other patients while I waited to be called in.  They were very pleased with the office staff and other doctors in general.  The lovely rainy weather had my back throbbing the whole trip down.  I also knew that there would be some manipulation of my legs and back to help diagnose the level of pain I was in.  I was ready for that as well.

I finally was taken to an exam room and told the Dr. D. would be in shortly.  It took about 15 minutes for him to walk through the door.  I was just starting a game of Solitaire on my iPhone as he walked in.  We joked about that for a second.  He introduced himself and set straight to work.  He asked me multiple questions regarding how long I’ve had back pain, accidents, etc…  He then began the expected manipulation.  Levels of strength and pain were judge as well as my reflex reactions.  He stated that I definitely had problems in L4/5 and L5/S1 before ever even pulling up the MRI images.

The Rage Begins

He then pulled up the MRI and slid the monitor over so I could easily see it.  He had the full images up, not the summary report my family doc had shown me.  High definition images filled the screen.  The left side of the screen showed a vertical side view of my spine while the right showed cut away views from the top of the disk.  Dr. D. scrolled down the left side image selecting L4/5.  He then stopped and selected a better disk to show me what each part of the structure was.  “The black mass is the disk.  These little black hairs are nerves.  This white space is the spinal cavity and that circle there is actually the spinal cord itself.” he noted, as he moved the cursor to the corresponding area of the screen.  He then returned to L4/5, showing me how the disk had pushed itself out and around the spinal cord into the spinal cavity.  The same could be seen in L3/4 and L5/S1.

He noted that he would like to try the epidural to reduce the inflammation.  He commented on the fact that I had made it this far with this kind of damage was pretty extraordinary.  Most people can’t tolerate it that long.  He isn’t the first to mention my high tolerance for pain.  Several doctors have told me that I tend to withstand more than most individuals.  Hence when they give me pain meds, they are not given lightly because by the time I need them, I am really hurting.  He feels that if the epidural(s) work, it could buy me another two or three years before surgery.  I am now getting a little grumpy (internally).  I hope he didn’t notice.  I have taken a day off work and driven to Pittsburgh, only to be told what I felt I should have been told by my family doctor first.

I told Dr. D. that the reason this appointment was made so urgently was because of the notation the T11/12 could cause paralysis if it wasn’t fixed.  He said “Let’s take a look, but I didn’t see anything offhand to worry about.”  My internal temperature went from grumpy to angry.  He scrolled up the screen to T11/12.  Clicking on it revealed the top cutaway view.   He drug the cursor over a small bulge in what would be the right side of the spinal cavity.  “Not worried about that at all.” He said.  “You have much more damage down here.  Look… You can see it even in the side view here.”   Now my fuse is ready to sizzle.  I am fighting to remain professional with him.  I am not angry with him.  He is showing me exactly what/where the problems are.  There can be no question he is right.  Any one that can look at a picture and see the difference between a rose and a Pitbull could tell that L4/5 was much much worse than T11/12.

I asked him what would happen if the epidural doesn’t help.  How will the surgery be done.  He took the time to show me where they would trim out the failed disk and how they would clean out the ‘Spinal Stenosis’ otherwise known as narrowing of the spinal cavity.  He felt this would give me major relief without having to fuse any bones.  Insert sigh of relief here.  The anger is still growing at this point because I keep thinking “What was on that summary report that led my doc to think T11/12 was so critical?  This is my back and my life we’re talking about here!”

He sent me home with his card and direct number.  My only restrictions.  No repetitive twisting, lifting or yard work until the epidural has time to take hold, which is mostly common sense.  You can’t tell if something works if you are doing things that defeat its purpose.  He wants an update on what the epidural does.  Very nice man.  Very good training and bedside manner.

Troubleshooting 101 – Why I was stewing to a boiling point on the way home.

I have been trained in troubleshooting.  It is a vast part of what I have done every day for the last 20+ years of my life.  Troubleshooting consists of two main parts:  Knowing the basic operation and having the tools knowledge to determine what needs to be done to fix the problem.

Knowing the basic operation of something is the simplest part of troubleshooting.  Once you know the basics, you can apply those to just about anything that is similar.  The basics are things like knowing where the power cord plugs in, where is the “ON” button, what does this part or that part look like.  You don’t need to know the fine detail at this point, just roughly what to look for.  This is often referred to as “Common Sense”.

Having the tools/knowledge to determine what needs to be done to fix the issue is the next level.  This is where you go to school to get certified or you spend time in the industry to be familiar with the finer details of how things work.  In the case of this blog, this would be where a physician spends years in medical school and residency to learn how the body functions.

Here’s how troubleshooting applies to my visit to the surgeon today.  First, you have to remember what I mentioned earlier, not every doctor is trained to read test results right from their original media.  Second, You need to remember, I am not a doctor nor did I stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night or play one on TV.

As the MRI images displayed on the screen in front of me, several bits of information are available to my eye.  General pictures that allow me to compare one disk to the next one above or below it.  This is just like looking at your photos from Disney World from this year in comparison to those from the last trip.  You can see the changes.  “OH LOOK! Cinderella’s Castle had Christmas lights on it last year! This year it was decorated like a cake!”  There was also medical data that I could only guess at what it meant because I am not trained in the field of medicine.

I could see that T11/12 had much less damage than L4/5.  I didn’t need to be a doctor.  It was like looking at a red rose on the left and a yellow rose on the right.  The comparison was unmistakable.  That’s the “Common Sense” or basic element.

The second element comes from 11 years of dealing with this condition.  This is my training, however informal it may be.  I have learned to deal with this injury as time has gone by.  I know from past diagnosis and treatment that when I get this pain going down my right leg, It is associated with disks L4/5 and L5/S1.   To add to this knowledge, I have done research myself in preparation for the day surgery might come.  I have seen spinal mock ups with the vertebrae and disks labeled.   I have noted the ones that the docs tell me are causing my pain.

I can draw my own non-medically trained conclusion that: 1) The pain going down my leg comes from the L4/5 area and not T11/12.  2) It is this pain that is keeping me awake at night not the minor (in comparison) pain that is in my mid back at the T11/12 area.  3) Someone has misinterpreted the data along the way to indicate that T11/12 is critically damaged and I am more at risk from that than from the disks at L4/5 that I can see on the actual image are much more distorted and damaged.  4) I am fortunate to be sent to a specialist who recognizes the medical implications versus the physical implications.  Yes, more dangerous circumstances can occur (paralysis) if T11/12 push on the spine BUT that injury has probably been there for a while based on its location and the deterioration around it.  The problem that must be dealt with first and foremost is the pain that is affecting my life right here and now, not the possible problems that could happen if I’m in an accident in the future.

I don’t hold any ill will toward Dr. D.   I even have thought about how much responsibility my family doc had in the T11/12 scare… And I will tell you, I WAS scared.  I won’t even put the blame on him because he was looking at a document that someone else had written.  Someone, who doesn’t have a clue who I am or what the history of my injury is.

I had someone tell me that this happens.  The person who reads the scans doesn’t necessarily read the patient as well.  As a matter of fact, he or she has probably never even seen me walking down the hall, let alone examined me to find the extent of my injuries.  He or she is just someone flipping through a photo album laying on the coffee table at some hall or venue.  There are no links for them to see that I can hardly stand up straight or have trouble walking.  The blame lies in the system that does not allow the person documenting the test to be the examiner.

All this being said, my anger and disappointment this afternoon was pointless.  I did find out what will happen if I do have to have surgery and I am much less worried about having it than I was this morning before I left for Pittsburgh.  My friends are right.  They told me, that even though I didn’t get the outcome I expected, the trip was not a waste.  I also  got an unexpected benefit from my self induced internal rage.  My adrenaline was up the whole way home.  The leg/back that had been hurting the whole way down was now cloaked from my mind.  I actually had some temporary relief.  I even got a nice nap when I got home before the pain became noticeable again.

That’s the story of the day.  (Judging by the word count maybe its a book report of the day or the start of a thesis).

I’m off to bed.

~Cappy

The trip to the Doc’s office this afternoon held a few more surprises than I was expecting.  I went already knowing that a the disks in my back from T-11 down were severely degenerated.  I had made up my mind that there were questions I wanted answers to. I went in ready… at least that’s what I thought.

I have done a bunch of research on back injuries and surgeries.  The amount of information available at your finger tips can be both valuable and terrifying.  I learned long ago that you shouldn’t self diagnose.  The internet has loads of information that isn’t always accurate. I’ve tried to cross reference data to sift out the good from the bad.

I asked Doc to review the results. Sometimes I just accept what he says the tests say.  This back issue is one that I just won’t accept.  Too much is at stake.  The results came up on the screen.  Sure enough… The report was pretty much as the nurse had read over the phone.  She left out one detail.  The disks at L4-L5 and L5- S1 were indeed shot and causing pain down my right leg but the disk T11-T12 was not only also bulging and narrowing.  The other disks had degenerated to the front, left or right.  The disk at T-11 is pushing out the back against my spinal cord.

I am now on restriction for about everything:  No motorcycle or  ATV riding, no lifting, no gym, especially no falling or twisting suddenly. The only reason I am allowed to go to work is that its a desk job.  The restriction is because there is a good possibility that should this disk shift, I could be permanently disabled.   “Oh great…” is all I could think.

The Doc is scheduling an appointment with a spinal specialist in Pittsburgh. He hopes to get me in there between now and next week.   He said the specialist will be more concerned about T11 – T12 than with the sciatic damage.  Early estimation says 4 to 6 weeks to get back to work.  Three months to get back to ‘normal’ activity.  I should add that those are based on his experience not on the experience of the spinal specialist who will read the scans for himself and go from there.  The specialist may have some other option.

For now, no epidural or no more steroids.  Heavy pain meds to allow me to sleep at night.  Diabetic meds to get my sugar down to acceptable levels.  Without the sugar being down, the surgery can’t happen.  I am committing everything to getting things right and getting my back fixed.  More waiting to get this appointment scheduled and get to the actual solution.  Only then can the healing truly begin.

~Cappy

For the last almost eleven years, I’ve suffered with a lovely little thing called Degenerative Disk Disease.  The funny thing is… Its not even a disease.  It is just a condition where for whatever reason, whether it be accident, injury or old age, your disks have begun to wear out.  Most people live their whole lives without even knowing they are affected by this disorder.  Under normal circumstances, disks actually hurt less as we age.  The proteins that normally cause inflammation break down.  Without the inflammation there is no pressure on the nerves, so the pain we may have experienced in our younger lives seems to “heal up”.  It really doesn’t.  The disk just becomes harder and loses its ability to swell and press on tender nerve endings. 

Cases like mine, however, are a bit different.  The disk herniates and/or ruptures.  Think of it this way.  The disk is like a big jelly donut.  The interior, the jelly,  is a viscus fluid that allows the spine to shift and move.  The outside would be like the dough of the donut.  The difference is the edges of this donut are wrapped in a very strong set of rubber bands that hold it all together  This donut is sandwiched between two vertabrae, kind of like the filling in an Oreo cookie.  In my case, those rubber bands are weakened or broken to the point that the jelly has pushed out causing misalignment in the vertebrae on either side.  In other words, the two cookie pieces don’t sit level or at a proper distance from each other.  This causes nerves to become pinched causing pain and/or weakness of the extremities.  In my case, my right leg.  I’m also about half to three quarters of an inch shorter than I used to be.

Living with Chronic Pain

If  you have never had chronic pain, I hope you never find out what  I am about to write about.  Chronic pain is persistent pain that can be anything from dull continuous aching to sharp fiery pain that can travel through the body.  It never truly goes away.  Some days it’s better than others, but its always there nagging at your body. 

I’ve lived for almost eleven years with this kind of pain.  I’ve had people say “You don’t look like you are in pain.”  Just like anything that you do over and over in life, you kind of get used to it.  You learn to do things differently so that the pain doesn’t flare up.  On days when you can’t control the flare, you learn to put on a brave face and go about what you have to do.  This kind of pain doesn’t go away easily just by laying down and taking a nap.  Sometimes a nap does help, but most of the time the nap is more about recharging your energy level so that you can make it through the rest of the day.

I use the word flare intentionally.  The pain I get is equivalent to someone sticking a red hot knife into my lower back and dragging it through my right buttock, down my leg and out the bottom of my foot to my toes.  Its like someone lit up my nerves with a flare.  This condition is aggravated by twisting or lifting incorrectly and is often even made worse by changes in the weather.

If you have a friend with a chronic pain issue, like back problems, Lupus or Fibromialgia, they probably have many days where the smile you see on their face is covering very stressful pain.  They will tell you that this pain litterally saps your energy.  It can cause anything from general distraction to lack of sleep and emotional collapse.  If for some reason these folks suddenly say, “I can’t go with you tonight.” or they don’t seem to want to do anything, realize that they could be in severe pain even though it doesn’t show on the outside. 

Progression and treatment

The problem with Degenerative Disk Disease is that it is a progressive ailment.  It may start out with a little back pain.  As I noted above, in normal situations the progression is that the pain goes away as we age.  Unfortunately, there is also the negative progression as well.  The pain increases as you age because the disks have failed in such a way that there are problems with alignment or what is called micro movement.  Micro movement is when the vertebrae move in directions that the disk normally wouldn’t allow them to.

My personal pain started out with getting by getting out of bed one morning.  I threw my legs over the edge of the bed and sat up quickly.  There was a very loud pop and feeling of pressure in my lower back.  This pop was loud enough that had you been in the upstairs of my house, you would have heard it.  When I stood to my feet, I began to get severe spasms down my right leg.  The spasms were so strong that they would literally straighten my leg. 

I was given some massive muscle relaxers and pain meds to loosen the muscles so that the back could be treated.  The end result was a round of three epidurals injected into the disks.  The first did little to give me relief.  The second and third relieved the pain.  This procedure took a period of about 5 weeks during most of which, I had horrible fiery pain down my leg.  At that time, I was diagnosed with Degenerative Disk Disease and told that eventually I would need surgery.  The general belief was that the best thing to do was to continue with epidurals and other medications until I couldn’t stand the pain any longer.  I was left with lower back pain and the feeling that my right foot was sleeping.  This numbness in my foot would crawl up my leg as I did things that tested the limits of my back’s agreeability.

Years passed and my back would flare up from time to time.  Each time my back flared, I would get spasms down my right leg.  Only once did the spasms affect my left leg.  Most of the time, muscle relaxers and pain meds would clear it up to a tolerable level.  Three years ago I had a flare up bad enough to require a second round of epidurals.  The MRI that was done before the epidurals indicated at least seven disks were failing or had failed.  This time they were administered under flourascope so that the medication could be put directly into offending disks.  I only needed two epidurals to achieve a suitable result on that occassion.    This round of epidurals would last three years… Apparently this is a long time for my state of deterioration judging by my doctor’s response this week.

Changes in Pain

I took vacation the week of my birthday.  My only plans were to do some spring cleaning on my house.  Cleaning really makes my back grumpy.  I planned a slow progression through the week to complete the cleaning.  I began on Monday with the guest room.  It is a small room so I needed to move the bed to clean the floor and walls behind the bed.  I moved the mattress without any problem.  By Monday night, I knew I shouldn’t have done that.  The pain was intense.  I hadn’t been sleeping well before that, now I couldn’t sleep at all.  I tried from then to the Tuesday of the following week to just deal with the pain.  Tuesday morning I broke down emotionally.  I was so physically tired that I couldn’t function anymore.  I went to work but came home in tears.  I started back on my Xanax that I had been given when my mom passed away.  I have been going to bed nightly with Xanax as it puts me to sleep. 

This past Monday, I had X-Rays on my back which led to the scheduling of an MRI.  The MRI showed all the disks from T11 were severely degenerated.  Surgery was recommended by the physcian reading the MRI results.  I am now waiting for my family doc to schedule an epidural.  He wants to try that to give me some relief until the surgery is setup.  I have an appointment Monday with the family doc to get his thoughts on how this will all play out.  I’m not looking forward to having surgery but I don’t think there is much choice at this point.  I have to get to a place where I can at least rest. 

I have been dreading having another flare up because the pain has been increasing little by little since Januaryish.  I went from taking Ibuprofen as needed last summer to having to take it every night to be able to sleep.  In the last couple months, I’ve been taking 1200 mg just to make it through the day.  This increase in the amount of medication needed to be able to get through the day was one factor I suspected that doc was going to say its surgery time.  The other factor was the change in the pain itself.  In the past, whenever I have aggravated my back, I immediately got spasms down my right leg.  The pain is now very intense and I am not having spasms.  I also can’t get comfortable in any position.  This was my second indicator that something had changed for the worse.  This being said… I wasn’t exactly surprised by the diagnoses.

Where do we go from here

I have spent a lot of time reading about back surgery and talking to folks who have had it.  There are many many risks and many things that can affect the quality of the surgical outcome.  It looks like I need to move forward with surgery.  I will use what I’ve learned and take some recommendations I’ve been given to make the best choice I can as far as surgeons.  I don’t think this is something I want to go to the corner quick back surgery doc.  Too much rides on my back… Literally.

I will update as things move forward… Until then protect your back because I can tell you from experience you don’t want it to end up like mine.

~Cappy

Some of you may remember when I called the police on the guy with the yappy mutt that lives in the apartment building behind my house.  Several weeks ago, several houses up in my dad’s neighborhood were broken into.  The value of the things stolen was practically nothing. They caught 3 people a couple nights later when they tried to break into a former police chief’s house.  When I heard the address of the one person and the name, I thought to myself “This is that idiot with the dog.”  He saw me out in the yard once after the police incident for yappy and begged me not to call the cops again.  He said he had had some problems with the cops and couldn’t afford to go to jail again.  The landlord was out of town so I never got to speak to him about the incident.  I have been watching for the landlord to come home to have a little chat with him.  They came home in the last day or so.

To make a long story bearable, the guy hasn’t been back since he was arrested.  His mother lived with him and she has since moved as well.  I have been wondering who was caring for their cat.  I knew it was still in the apartment because it would sit in the back window about the time I came home each night.  A couple times, I’ve walked over and talked to it through the window.  It would smooth the window like it wanted me to pay attention to it.  This gave me another reason to watch for the landlord.

 I came home from work this evening.  As I pulled down the alley to park, I noticed a sign on the construction company’s wall.  It notified whoever read it that they should deal with their dog’s crap in the proper manner.  I parked my truck and went in to the house.  A few minutes later I saw the landlord’s truck over there.  I went out and talked to him.  He was very flustered.  I thought maybe it was because of the sign and my complaint about the dogs and their droppings.  He told me he had to go because they were trying to save a fish.  I let him go thinking that there was a water problem or something he had to get fixed to fill the aquarium.  He came back a few minutes later.  I saw him run around the building to his shop door.  I know he has a very bad back and does not ever run.  Something was wrong!

I threw on my boots and coat to head over.  I saw he had gone into the apartment which I had suspected had been abandoned almost a month.  I knocked on the door noting the doorknob had been pried off.  They were frantically scrubbing an aquarium that looked as though someone had burnt coffee in it.  They didn’t have anything to scrub with so I ran back to the house and got a couple Scrubbies that I had and a couple disposable type dish clothes.  This wasn’t just a regular gold fish they were trying to save.  It was a HUGE Gold Fish, bigger than my hand.  The fish lay listless in a 5 quart canning pan while we quickly put the tank back together.  I had to work on the pump because it was so filthy that it wouldn’t pump.

We got the tank full and put the fish back in with the hope that it would perk up over the evening and survive.  I’ve had little gold fish in the past.  I know you’re supposed to let the water settle for a couple days so the chemicals settle out and you should acclimate them to the water.  I really don’t think that would make much difference in this case.  The water that was in the tank was so dark you couldn’t see through it.  When I left the fish was mostly upright and would occasionally swim slowly around the tank.  I don’t really think the tank is big enough for this fish but its what was there.  The gal that helps the landlord is going to get the proper food and new filters for the pump.  I told them let me know what is going on and I will help however I can.

Jennifer, the landlord’s helper, took the cat to her house so that it’s at least cared for.  Its a small female about the size of Tink.  She has two males, one of which is a large Mainecoon.  I told her if the cat becomes a problem, let me know.  I’m going to be fairly busy for the next several weeks with a couple commitments of my own.  Animals are like family to me, so if her cat’s won’t tolerate it I will take it in.  I’ve been thinking about getting a buddy for Tink anyway.  The first stop would have to be the vet’s office to get this little girl checked out.  I don’t want to bring any nasties home to Tink.  We’ll wait and see how things go. I scrubbed up very well before coming home and again after I got here to make sure I didn’t transfer anything to Tink.

I’m furious that a whole family would ignore a cat and a fish in an empty apartment.  Granted they are only animals, but they need care.  Cats are social creatures that require love and attention.  The fish needs clean water and food.  It’s really a good thing this guy is in jail for violating his probation or I’d likely put him there myself for animal cruelty.  What’s even worse is that his sister came and got his mom and her yappy mutt but left the cat.  I can kind of understand the fish because the tank and water make the fish hard to uproot and move, but still I think I would have offered it to someone tank and all before just abandoning it.

This blog in no way demonstrates how I feel inside.  I have fought the whole way through it, trying not to let my anger spew out.

No animal should go through what I saw tonight.  The cat is healthy because it had food but it was skittish because it had been alone.  One way or the other this will have a happy ending for the cat.  The fish may or may not make it through the night.  We can only hope that the stress of the filthy water and moving it around to try to save it wasn’t too much.  Fortunately, the heat was still on in the apartment or things may have been a lot worse.

Please!… If you have pets or are thinking of getting a pet.   Think over the costs involved, the upkeep and the love they require.  Easter is here.  Don’t buy baby chicks for your kids unless you have a farm to raise them on.  The same goes with bunnies.  They are cute but they need a lot of attention and space.

~Cappy

Insert large growl sound effect here.

*Pictures are snags from google and are not of the actual animals involved.

 A week ago at this time, I was on the guided tour through the Smithsonian Institute’s Udvar-Hazy Air and Space Hangers at Dulles Airport outside Washington DC. I had never been there even though I had been to the Museums on the Mall downtown. Work had brought me to the area. I was delighted that my schedule would not only leave me time to go to the Center, It also took me out to our location that was closest to Dulles. It ended up being the perfect setup.

I have been interested in air and space craft since I was a kid. The Center held two of my favorite ships: The SR71 Blackbird and The Space Shuttle Discovery. To my delight, It was a beautiful day. The sun was shining as I got out of the car to head up the walkway into the museum. Just as I entered the museum, they announced a guided tour would begin in 10 minutes. WOOT! Once again, Time had played out in my favor for a change. The tours are guided by Veterans, many of whom either server on/in craft in the museum or help restore new displays as they come in. Needless to say, I had four hours of fun. I was the proverbial “Kid in the candy store.”

I left the museum to head back to Pennsylvania about 4:30PM. I chose to go back a different way than I had come down. I was further west so driving clear back into the beltway would cost extra time and take me back to rush hour traffic. Those in the know told me that the new route would basically avoid the traffic. They were right for the most part. I did run into one snag where I sat for a bit. The fire department had one lane blocked as they worked on a structure fire. It didn’t stop traffic completely but it did add about a half hour to my run.

I though about my travels as I made my way back home. I used to travel a lot for business. I really enjoy travelling, even by myself. This had been the first company trip I’d been out on in nearly 5 years. Wow. Sure there was work involved but the time away from the office broke the repetative nature of my job. I was relaxed so 5 hour the drive seemed to pass quickly. I got home around 11:30PM. Tink greeted me at the door. My little fuzzy four-legger had missed me. I got lots of leg hugs and purrs the rest of the weekend.

Saturday, the temperatures were warm so I decided I’d finish the work on the motorcycle to get her ready for riding season. I picked up the oil and antifreeze I would need to finish her up. The plan would be to finish the brakes Saturday and then oil and antifreeze on Sunday. None of these tasks really took that long but when working on your motorcycle on a beautiful afternoon there is an unwritten rule that says test rides are needed. I closed out the daylight hours on Sunday with a ride and a stop at the car wash to make sure I got any salt off her metal parts.

For all the relaxation and enjoyment I had over the weekend, including Thursday and Friday, Monday and Tuesday sucked. I guess my frustration was just coming back to the office. Tuesday, things went so bad that I was ready to walk out and forget the whole business. I went to bed Tuesday night horribly depressed and disheartened with what had gone on that day. I decided that the rest of the week would be better even if it required hiding or avoiding the incidents that occured on Tuesday.

Thursday night, I went to Walmart to get a few things I needed. Our Walmart is known for having a ton of registers but only have 4 or 5 open. Once again, they lived up to their reputation. I joined a line behind a women and her son. We were chatting and joking about how long it was taking the lady ahead of us to get checked out. Apparently the cashier didn’t understand that the coupon the women was using required 6 of one type of pop to qualify for the price. After the manager came over and explained that little nugget to the cashier, it took both the cashier and the manager to convince the customer that the coupon was only good for Pepsi products and she had bought a mix of brands. We chuckled as the time passed. “It must be new math.” I quipped. Finally, the pesky pop purchaser accepted the explanation and was on her way.

I joke about “New Math” because I don’t understand how some young people do math these days. I was taught that if you have 3 rows of 4 columns of cat food you can multiple 3 x 4 and get 12. If there are two layers, you multiply 12 by 2. Every time I buy Tink’s canned food, I buy a case which works out exactly as above. Likewise, EVERY TIME, the cashier stumbles through counting each one and then having to start over when they realize there is another layer underneath. The box says 24 cans right on it. I have literally got into the habit of just saying “There are 24 cans of the same flavor.” You should see the looks I get at times. It’s like I performed miracle math or something. Are they not taught estimating anymore?

Oh well, I got through the line and head back home. I got a giggle out of it when it could have gone the way the rest of the week went. I’m trying to keep in mind that people were brought up different than I was. Remembering this helps me to laugh at things that would otherwise make me blow up.

I’m looking forward to a decent weekend this weekend. The day is winding down. Maybe I’ll catch you all online tonight.

~Cappy

There are some days I hate my life.  Tonight, I got hit with a bout of depression.  I hate my job… The way things are going… Myself in general.  I spend my time alone.  I have no ambition to do anything.

I just wish I could disappear and not come back.  I would just like to be someone else.  I don’t even know who.  I guess that’s why I enjoy the motorcycle so much.  Its something I was never supposed to do.  If it wasn’t for the snow, I’d be half tempted to go out and go for a ride.
Instead, I threw a dutch apple pie in the oven. I shouldn’t eat it… Diabetic and all.  I’ve said to hell with it.  I started the gym to try and feel better. It just makes me feel worse.  Not physically… Mentally.  I struggle just to make myself go.  I haven’t made my goal of 3 nights a week.   I’m disappointed in myself.

I feel sick to my stomach tonight … Not the cold/flu sick… The ominous feeling that something is going to go terribly wrong.  My mind says its something to do with work.  Changes are afoot there again. Who knows… maybe I’m just fooling myself into thinking that.  I want to move on from this place.  I’ve grown so stale that I’m not even sure which way to go.

I’m confused. I feel like crap and would just like to curl up and cry.  Nothing I do makes sense any more.  Maybe I’ll eat some pie when its cool and go to bed.  Tomorrow should be interesting.  The boss scheduled a meeting to chat…

I guess we’ll see.  I feel like throwing up.  Goodnight.

~Cappy

The day started out to be… or at least should have been… fairly normal.  I had setup a meeting with a vendor to go over some things with the team.   I was running a little bit slow getting ready for work.  I decided to stop and grab a sandwich on the way.  I don’t know what was running through my head as I drove but I completely forgot about breakfast.  I remembered as I pulled in the lot at work.  “Looks like its a snack from the vending machine…” I thought, dejectedly.  The day went ok… until our afternoon session.

As some of you know, I am allergic to perfumes.  My reaction is totally dependent on the brand of perfume I am exposed to.   Most of the time, I simply get stuffed up and my eyes get scratchy.  There are certain types of perfumes/colognes that cause a more severe reaction with extreme headache, soar throat, stuffed sinuses and burning eyes.  I can even taste these kinds of perfumes in the air.  I have been out to dinner in a restaurant and had my meal ruined because it tastes like perfume.  I haven’t had one of these reactions in quite some time.  I thought maybe my allergies had changed or something.  The session this afternoon with the executives would prove to me that I am still quite reactive.

Everyone took a potty break before the session, including the two sales reps.  As we made our way back into the conference room, I began to taste it…  That dreadful taste of men’s cologne.  It wasn’t just light either.  Whoever had it on had put it on thick.  My eyes began to burn.  My nose began to run.  I ended up stepping out for a bottle of water just to keep from gagging on the taste of the air.  I believe one of the sales reps had dowsedhimself while in the restroom.  Ugggggh!  The problem is that it takes hours for my system to clear of this kind of reaction.  By the time the meeting was over, my head was throbbing and my throat was beginning to get sore.  I came home feeling like I was coming down with a bad case of the flu.   Allergy meds and a long nap have helped the headache but the sinuses are still fighting me.

I try not to complain when this happens because usually the offender can’t even tell they stink.  Their sinuses are used to the smell.  It often leads to more confrontation than it is worth.   The really weird thing is… I like the smell of a lot of perfumes.   I just can’t tolerate some… Others don’t even make my nose twitch.

So… If you happen to be one of those folks who wears perfume or cologne, please follow the directions and use it lightly.  You never know when your favorite fragrance might be causing someone else a nightmare  I don’t appreciate sitting in an Italian restaurant, eating an expensive meal and the power of your cloud over powers the taste of garlic in my pasta.  Yes… It has happened.   So much so, that I asked the waitress to either move them or move me (even though I’d been there for half my meal already).  The odorous offender got all upset.  We don’t need to smell you coming in the door when we are on the far side of the room.  A shower with soap is much nicer than the stench you emit after swimming in your drum of toilet water.

Sorry for the rant but I hate having my evening plans ruined because someone was inconsiderate with their stinkum.  Have a great and hopefully… less smelly day.

~Cappy

Like anyone, I have certain games that interest me and ones that do not.  Just because they interest me doesn’t often mean I’m very good at them.  There is one game that I am very good at.  I used to play it all the time… Yahoo! Pool.  I used to play it daily.  One would think that this would transfer over to real pool on a table in some form or another.  It does to an extend.  You learn to judge angles and what certain types of spin will do to the ball.  The funny about playing pool in real life is that I can’t sink a straight shot.  Put the balls in odd positions and I can hit the weirdest bank and multiball shots without much thought at all.  There are other popular games that this skill seems to also apply to.  One of the more popular games today is Angry Birds.

I tried Angry Birds when it came out.  I really wasn’t very good at it.  The object… if you haven’t played it… is to shoot the birds across the screen to knock out the pigs who stole there eggs.  I tired quickly of the game as it was basically always the same.  Arc the birds from the left side of the screen to the right and blow obstacles or drop items on the pigs.  Everyone seemed to delight in this game.  The game became altra popular and various versions began to appear.  None of them really caught my appeal.  I wasn’t sure why it didn’t hit home with me.  Everyone else seemed to be bonkers over it.

Fast foward to yesterday.  I have been searching for a new Tablet (the electronic computer kind) for some time.  I finally decided on one and purchased it.  As I downloaded the critical apps that I wanted to use, I saw an ad for the latest iteration of Angry Birds… Star Wars Angry Birds.  Several people I know thought I would be hooked on this game by now.  I have resisted downloading it because the other versions I have tried were boring.  I really didn’t want to see my favorite movie splashed all over a fad game that I couldn’t bring myself to enjoy.  “Oh what the heck?” I mumbled outloud as I tapped the screen to begin the download.  I would give Star Wars Angry Birds a shot.  If nothing else, it was something to kill the time when all else was boring.

I began to play the game.  At first, I thought it wasn’t that different than the regular Angry Birds games.  I cleared level after level.  “Hmmmm.  This is starting to get fun.”  I quipped almost outloud.  The regular game had gone from fairly simple arcs across the screen to riccochetting laser bolts and gravity wells that affect game play.  The next thing I know, I’m looping my birds around planetary bodies and space stations using the gravity to alter my course or drop debris onto Darth Piggy.  Hit that guy over there… He twirls around randomly shooting his blaster and taking out his cohorts… or should I call them ‘Co-Snorts’.  (Pig Joke)

I’ve always had a knack for visualizing shapes and angles.  These to games are silly ways I’ve found to toy with that ability.  I find Star Wars Angry Birds fun, not because I can blow up Evil Pigs, but also because I get to use my brain to figure out how this will affect that.  I guess thats why I have trouble playing these ‘shoot-em-up’ video games that are so popular these days.  This is probably a stupid post but I am fascinated by the stupidly simple things that I have found enjoyable about the game.  I mentioned early that I can’t sink a straight shot in pool.  That applies here too.  The shots that look simple and straight forward I tend to mess up.  There are screens that look like they should be difficult because they have multiple gravity wells or debris blocking the enemy.  I’ve cleared them with a single shot.

I bring this all up tonight because I really wish I had found a way to take advantage of this skill in my work life.  It is challenging but extremely rewarding to be able to complete a complex task,  especially when completing the task ends up being way easier than I had assumed going in.  The job I do now is mostly ‘wrote’… straight forward and seemingly easy.  I often feel … just like straight on pool shots or the simple Angry Bird screens… that I’m going to miss.   Maybe that’s why I like working with Dramas, Musicals and Live Sound?   These things are never the same twice… even when you’re participating in the same show night after night.  Something always throws you a curve.  It may be the cast/band or the crew or even the audience but something always creates a challenge.

I wonder what the next curve will be in life.  I guess I’ll just have to keep getting up every morning to find out.

~Cappy