There are some days I hate my life. Tonight, I got hit with a bout of depression. I hate my job… The way things are going… Myself in general. I spend my time alone. I have no ambition to do anything.
I just wish I could disappear and not come back. I would just like to be someone else. I don’t even know who. I guess that’s why I enjoy the motorcycle so much. Its something I was never supposed to do. If it wasn’t for the snow, I’d be half tempted to go out and go for a ride.
Instead, I threw a dutch apple pie in the oven. I shouldn’t eat it… Diabetic and all. I’ve said to hell with it. I started the gym to try and feel better. It just makes me feel worse. Not physically… Mentally. I struggle just to make myself go. I haven’t made my goal of 3 nights a week. I’m disappointed in myself.
I feel sick to my stomach tonight … Not the cold/flu sick… The ominous feeling that something is going to go terribly wrong. My mind says its something to do with work. Changes are afoot there again. Who knows… maybe I’m just fooling myself into thinking that. I want to move on from this place. I’ve grown so stale that I’m not even sure which way to go.
I’m confused. I feel like crap and would just like to curl up and cry. Nothing I do makes sense any more. Maybe I’ll eat some pie when its cool and go to bed. Tomorrow should be interesting. The boss scheduled a meeting to chat…
I guess we’ll see. I feel like throwing up. Goodnight.
~Cappy
We just need to get you away from that place. ItsIt’s