Dad had been in the hospital since Monday. Dealing with hospitals is an art. Patience is required both by the family and the patient. I find it interesting that waiting and waiting can be more tiring than a full day’s work. You wait for doctors, medicines, paper work, and on and on and on…
I have no desire to go back to work while he’s in the hospital. Since Mom’s final trip to the doctor in Pittsburgh, I don’t trust that I’m getting all the information without being there to hear it from the doctor. Lack of information is partly what led to the doctor in Pittsburgh being so candid. Dad holds the doctor responsible, in a least part, for Mom giving up because he put it out there on the table without pulling any punches. When the doctor asked why they were there, he got a half answer. He then asked if they knew how big the tumors in her lungs where. They hung there heads. That’s when he point blank said, “I can see you’ve never bothered to ask by the expression on your faces.” My heart dropped. I went to most of Mom’s first appointments because she was afraid to ask how bad things were. My belief is you can’t fight something if you don’t know what you are fighting. In the end she didn’t want me to take off work to go unless the appointments were in Pittsburgh. She had resigned herself to live until she died. I think that it was more that attitude that led to them not wanting to know just how bad things really were. In the end, it was lack of knowledge that lead to the doctor’s frankness not that he was some kind of quack. I have often wondered if the doctor felt Mom had already given up at that point. He point blank said “If it were my family member… my wife… I wouldn’t want to see her go through the treatments at this point. They will only cause you to be sick. I would recommend getting things in order and making the best of my time.” I haven’t had this discussion with Dad because anytime someone brings up that trip to Pittsburgh, Dad goes on about how terrible that doctor was. He is one of the top Cancer doctors in the nation.
I realized this week that what we say can cause hurts no matter how unintentional the thought behind it was. My aunt made a comment that she hoped my dad’s doctor was better than the one that Mom had. She wasn’t there. She only knows part of the story. That judgement hurt. There was another comment early from another friend that while it was made in the most caring of senses, it stung a bit. I am going to try to watch how I word things from now on. It’s too hard to touch a nerve just by saying something that reminds others about an experience they had.
I was scheduled for vacation all next week. I think I’ll probably take most, if not all, of it this week, especially since we haven’t heard anything about when he may come home. I don’t care about what I had planned. It wouldn’t do me any good to go running around the country side knowing I could have done something for him this week. Besides, I wouldn’t get anything done at work this week anyway.
Tonight, as it stormed, I was recording a video of the rain pounding down and the wind whipping a large tree next door. Lightning struck behind the tree. It was so close that the concussion from the strike could be felt on my back porch. The flash and thunder crack was almost simultaneous. I was surprised I caught the flash/bang on the video. I try every storm to get either pictures or video of lightning. I rarely succeed in getting more than the rumble of thunder after or a back-lit cloud. I wish I had been using a better camera so that I could have slowed the shot down. Oh well… It was just neat to see.
I suppose I should go down and switch pants from the washer to the dryer and then get ready for bed.
Good night all.
~Cappy