I have this philosophy that basically says “If I can… I will do whatever it takes to get the job done.”
Over the years, I have been taught that you shouldn’t promise what you can’t deliver. On the opposite side of that coin, Sometimes you need to deliver what others promised. That sounds like a mouth full… doesn’t it. I’ll simplify all of it, “The show must go on.”
Where to start? The beginning is as good a place as any. In about 7th grade, My buddy and I were riding bikes at the school. These people were carrying all these neat things into the auditorium. We stopped to ask what was going on. I don’t remember whether they let us help or we just did but this is where I got my first lighting job. I watched as they setup these things. They were lighting FX: Black lights, strobe lights and a huge mirror ball.
I found out they needed someone to turn the mirror ball motor on. It wasn’t a glorious job offer… but I took it. Yes, Ladies and Gentlemen, my first lighting job was to climb a ladder up to the attic above the auditorium and sit in a little doorway where I could see the lighting guy. He would give me a wave and I would flip a light switch that would make the mirror ball spin. That was it… It was my job and I had a blast doing it. “WOO HOO!” I was the mirror ball guy for Jazz Rock Ensemble that year, under the direction of Mr. DiSantis. I would continue doing lighting and sound for West Middlesex High School throughout my school years and a couple years after. My pay scale was non-existent. The enjoyment of it all was my reward. I have since done everything from Bar Bands to better known acts, to dinner theater productions in the local church.
I use lighting and sound as an example for one reason: I developed my philosophy and work ethic in those arenas. You see… I am always of the mind that you have to do whatever you can to make the production go off like it should. I have applied this to work on the stage, naturally, my employment and things I do with friends.
This philosophy has changed throughout the years in its nature. The extent to which I fulfill it, is now gauged and tempered. There is one major flaw in living this kind of life. You get taken advantage of. I have been hurt more times than I can count, for no other reason than I put myself out there to help someone and then let them run me to the ground. I didn’t even care that I was technically being played for my knowledge or experience. Most of the time, I was happy just to do what had to be done. I began to temper what I offered so that I became the one controlling my talents and efforts. Trying to work with a local sound company taught me that I had to pick a line and when that line came to my feet, it was time to say enough. Thanks for the lesson Denny. It was hard earned and I paid the price, but I’m am far better off for having had the lesson.
These days, I still live by the same philosophy. I just know that there is a point I have to look out for myself. I do what needs done. At the same time, I have learned that I can’t take the blame or allow someone to punish me because I tried but didn’t achieve the expected result. My theory is “Look, you put us in this position. I tried my best to pull through and that’s all I can do.” I can’t blame myself because someone else changed the rules halfway through and everything fell on its face. I did what I could. I also learned that sometimes, no matter how bad you just want to throw your hands up and walk away, you can’t. If you walk away, what chance to you have to make a difference, even if its only a little one.
Project Management has reinforced my theory that you can’t blame yourself when the team fails. Do your best and let the team’s shoulders carry the load. You can’t do everything so don’t even try. Do what YOU can do. We cant allow the weights of the world press on us. It has taught me that I have to have “faith”. Faith in myself and faith in others. If I try to do more than “I” can, I will never be able to achieve my goal. It doesn’t mean we stop learning as we live. It means we have to learn how to apply that which we know and recognize our limitations. Failure teaches us new things, even though sometimes that failure carries a sting of pain and regret. Recognizing our limitations allows us to learn and grow.
I was writing this tonight, because a friend felt down because he had been working on something and it fell through. He felt bad because he had told people he could do this and now, through no fault of his own, the other party backed out. That’s ok because you tried to do what you could and they didn’t hold up their end. We can’t live in regret that we tried and someone else let us down. We need to move on. Do what needs to be done. If we fall down, we must get back up and dust ourselves off.
I thought about the song “All I Ever Have To Be” by Amy Grant. It’s an old one. As I played the song, I began to cry. I didn’t even realize how much I needed to hear those words again.
“All I ever have to be is what you’ve made me… Any more or less would be a step out of your plan.” While this talks about God’s plan, It can apply to other areas of our life. Sometimes, I think we go looking for things that aren’t ours to deal with. This week has been a prime example at work. I’ve haven’t asked too many questions. I did what I was asked to do and let others deal with the rest. Hurdles from one thing seemed to jump out in the way of the next. Even though they really aren’t in the same race, the track still became cluttered. I know that I can only jump those hurdles that are mine to jump. I also realize, that it might not be about “ME” jumping the hurdles. They aren’t my hurdles. Maybe, Its about me holding someone’s hand or giving them a boost over their hurdle. OR… maybe it is about letting them stumble and fall so they learn.
Any way you slice it… The show must go on. I can do all I know how to do, but if I do my part and things still falter… so be it. I can’t allow regret and self-doubt to drag me down. I will get up. Dust myself off and move on.
To another day…
~Cappy