Dad had been in the hospital since Monday.   Dealing with hospitals is an art.  Patience is required both by the family and the patient.  I find it interesting that waiting and waiting can be more tiring than a full day’s work.   You wait for doctors, medicines, paper work, and on and on and on…

I have no desire to go back to work while he’s in the hospital.  Since Mom’s final trip to the doctor in Pittsburgh, I don’t trust that I’m getting all the information without being there to hear it from the doctor.  Lack of information is partly what led to the doctor in Pittsburgh being so candid.  Dad holds the doctor responsible, in a least part, for Mom giving up because he put it out there on the table without pulling any punches.   When the doctor asked why they were there, he got a half answer.  He then asked if they knew how big the tumors in her lungs where.  They hung there heads.  That’s when he point blank said, “I can see you’ve never bothered to ask by the expression on your faces.”  My heart dropped.  I went to most of Mom’s first appointments because she was afraid to ask how bad things were.  My belief is you can’t fight something if you don’t know what you are fighting.  In the end she didn’t want me to take off work to go unless the appointments were in Pittsburgh.  She had resigned herself to live until she died.  I think that it was more that attitude that led to them not wanting to know just how bad things really were.  In the end, it was lack of knowledge that lead to the doctor’s frankness not that he was some kind of quack. I have often wondered if the doctor felt Mom had already given up at that point.  He point blank said “If it were my family member… my wife… I wouldn’t want to see her  go through the treatments at this point.  They will only cause you to be sick.  I would recommend getting things in order and making the best of my time.”  I haven’t had this discussion with Dad because anytime someone brings up that trip to Pittsburgh, Dad goes on about how terrible that doctor was.   He is one of the top Cancer doctors in the nation.

I realized this week that what we say can cause hurts no matter how unintentional the thought behind it was.  My aunt made a comment that she hoped my dad’s doctor was better than the one that Mom had.  She wasn’t there.  She only knows part of the story.  That judgement hurt.  There was another comment early from another friend that while it was made in the most caring of senses, it stung a bit.  I am going to try to watch how I word things from now on.  It’s too hard to touch a nerve just by saying something that reminds others about an experience they had.

I was scheduled for vacation all next week.  I think I’ll probably take most, if not all,  of it this week, especially since we haven’t heard anything about when he may come home.  I don’t care about what I had planned.  It wouldn’t do me any good to go running around the country side knowing I could have done something for him this week.  Besides, I wouldn’t get anything done at work this week anyway.

Tonight, as it stormed, I was recording a video of the rain pounding down and the wind whipping a large tree next door.  Lightning struck behind the tree.  It was so close that the concussion from the strike could be felt on my back porch.  The flash and thunder crack was almost simultaneous.  I was surprised I caught the flash/bang on the video.  I try every storm to get either pictures or video of lightning.  I rarely succeed in getting more than the rumble of thunder after or a back-lit cloud.  I wish I had been using a better camera so that I could have slowed the shot down.  Oh well… It was just neat to see.

I suppose I should go down and switch pants from the washer to the dryer and then get ready for bed.

Good night all.

~Cappy

Ever have one of those days when you feel like you just can’t sit still?  Normally, I have trouble getting motivated, not today.  Today, I felt like getting things done.  Where to start was my only question…

I decided that since it was a cool 65 degrees outside, I would work outside.  I had a couple things on my list that needed done:  Organize the shed, put driving lights I got for Christmas last year on the truck or mow the grass to name a couple.  I got outside and it was extremely humid.  So much so, a fine mist hung in the air.  I guess its organize the shed then…

I call my shed ‘the barn’ for a couple of reasons.  First, its almost three times the size of my old shed.  Secondly, I painted it barn red with white trim.  I got ‘the barn’ last fall to accommodate my ATV, Motorcycle, yard tools, lawn mower and other things that just didn’t fit in my old shed.  As fall passed, I played with different ways of putting the motorcycle and ATV in since they are the things that are most used and hardest to move if something is in the way.  I finally came up with a layout that worked well.  There was only one problem… Tools.

Tools ended up everywhere.  The racks of the ATV became a work bench and/or catch all for tools and parts as I worked to get “Maggie”, my 28 year old Honda Magna V65, up to the condition I wanted her in.  I bought her used from a friend.  She’s a runner but like with any machine that sits for long periods of time, she needed a little TLC to get her back in shape.  “Rubi”, the Honda Rubicon ATV, needs her attention too from time to time.  I’ve finally gotten tired of paying the Honda shop big bucks to change the oil and do things I know I can do.  This means many of the tools that have been sitting in my tool box are now used frequently.  I needed a place to keep all these tools so that I can actually use the ‘girls’ without having to rearrange the shed to get them out.  That IS the reason why I bought ‘the barn’ after all.

I have been looking at tool chests for some time.  I didn’t want some monster thing.  Just something with enough space that I could keep my frequently used tools organized.  I found it last night at Walmart.  The chest pictured at the right is exactly the same as the one made by Snap On except for grey drawers and doors on the lower half.  The Snap On one is all black with no doors on the bottom.  The caster bolts and everything are exactly the same placement and type.  I  had one of the ‘associates’ (he was more ass than sociable… ‘nother story) if he could check the price since the barcodes did not match any of the tags on the shelf in description or item number.  He begrudgingly had to figure out how to check the price.  We had to drag it a couple aisles away because he didn’t have a price gun and wasn’t sure where to find one.  $99.00!!!  The Snap On one was $209.00!  He went to slide the box back to the shelf.   I told him “Just load it on the cart. Its what I’m looking for.”  That made him happy… less work.  I should have made him carry it out to the register but …. again… ‘nother story.

I put the chest together last night and roughed out my plan for where it would sit in ‘the barn’.  When the mist changed my plans to working on the shed today,  I knew right where I was going to start… with the tool chest.  I spent about an hour or so shifting things around and gathering up tools.  I needed a couple things to finish out my plan which, by this time, has now changed from last night’s final plan.  Cool!  This will work out great!  It was uptown for lunch.  Then over to Lowe’s  for a couple things I needed to complete my goal.  I finished everything up around Three O’clock, very satisfied with the results.

One other task I had for ‘the barn’ was to get some kind of light up so I could see at night in the yard.  There were two reasons for this.  Number one, I’ve come in late from motorcycle or ATV rides and wanted to put the machines away but have no light in the yard.  There are lights in ‘the barn’ but they don’t catch up along side the house.  Secondly, there have been times when folks have walked through the yard.  A couple of those times they have messed with my stuff because the yard is so dark.  They’ll get a surprise next time.  Dad found a set of flood lights with motion detector at a yard sale for something like fifty cents.  They weren’t exactly what I was looking for, but the price was right and they would do the job.

Typical of my projects… no matter how well I plan… something runs amok and I end up running to the store at least once more than planned.  “Not happening this time!” I told myself.  Bulbs… Check!  Wire… Check!…  Mounting hardware… Check!  All gathered in one trip!  YAY! Go me!  I drilled the necessary holes for the wire and opened the junction box where I needed to tie in.  Woo Hoo!  Room for the wire and everything!  Groan… The stupid mounting screws gave me fits.  I didn’t have enough hands to mount the light and hold it in place… reach for the screw… hold the screw in… get the screwdriver.

After a bit of struggle and some choice words, TA DA!  It’s up!  Shwew… overall not too bad… until I turned to power on to test the lights… AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGHHH!  One light wouldn’t light.  I swapped the bad bulb to the other socket that was working.  Both bulbs good.  Crap!  After all the struggle with getting the mounting screws in … I had to tear it apart to fix what turned out to be a bad socket.   They were probably selling it so cheap because they couldn’t get that one light to light.  Another trip back uptown to acquire a replacement socket and the lights are finally up and working.  I will go out after dark and make sure I have them aimed the way I want.  There is also a sensitivity setting which will need adjusted so they don’t go off when cars go by like my neighbor’s lights do.

A cool down period and a bit of time to gloat to myself about the way this all worked out better than my plan from the night before and it was time to find some dinner.  After dinner, I thought I would lay down and rest my back.  It was aching from all the bending and stuff I did last night and today.  No such luck.  Laying down hurt as well.   I decided that I might as well go uptown again and walk around Big Lots or some other place.  I walked for a bit then returned home a bit frustrated that my back was bothering me that much from all the more straining I did.  Oh for the days when I could practically stand on my head installing car stereos and audio gear in all kinds of weird places.

I have to admit, some of the frustration didn’t come from my back.  It came from a phone call I got as I was leaving to go walking.  I am a person of extraordinary patience.  I have been told this by numerous boss’s and colleagues.  This makes it REALLY difficult for me to tell someone off.  Everyone has those folks in their past that just won’t seem to go away.  Well, the phone call tonight was from one of those type individuals.  I broke ties for a reason and haven’t gotten back in touch for my own reasons.  Don’t get me wrong, I don’t hate them, but they have lost my trust in a working environment so I’d rather keep my distance so I don’t get suckered back into the same circumstances.  This individual, knowing my experience with computers and networks, decided that I would be the ‘Help Desk’ for their computer outage tonight.  While I probably should have lost my temper or at least told them no… I didn’t.  I fell into my business mode.  You may have a mode like that.  You know… Where you have to be helpful whether you want to or not because its the right thing to do.   I hate doing home support for people.  Once you fix one thing for them, they tend to come back again and again.   Turns out it was nothing broken on their end.  They needed support from their ISP.

I am pleased that I got so much accomplished and it turned out better than what I had thought it was going to.  It’s getting dark now so I should go out and check the aim and sensitivity on the motion sensor for the lights.  Tink has been in several times giving me ‘leg hugs’.  She would like my presence too I guess.  Off I go to see what other trouble I can get myself into this evening.  Laundry at least… Maybe go out… We’ll have to see, won’t we.  Catch me on IM if ya want… smartphone is always logged in.

===== Update =====

I went out to test the lights.  A little tinkering put them about where I’d like them to be.  You might have wondered why I didn’t just buy a new set of lights instead of fixing the ones Dad bought.  The set he bought had a couple features I liked.  It could be mounted vertically or horizontally.  The motion detector has multiple joints so it can be aimed in a wide variety of directions.  The new ones are much more limited.  The lights Dad bought also have this receiver that plugs into an outlet inside your house.  You can plug a lamp into it that will turn on when the motion lights turn on.  It also makes a chirp (or 4) depending on how you set it.  This will prove invaluable in the overall fine tuning of the sensor as I am alerted to the action of the lights without having to see the fixture turn on.  Once they are working the way I want, I can just unplug the inside gizmo.

After all was fine tuned, I went over to the local bar to get out of the house.  I’m still restless.  I didn’t feel like sitting around.  I finally came home after being so bored that I turned the Olympics on via my iPhone and Dish Network Link.   I really suck when it comes to going out I guess.  No wonder I’m still alone.  Le Sigh.

~Cappy

My weekend started off early Friday afternoon with a text from my friend Beth.  She wanted to know if I would be interested in taking a ride out to Foxburgh.  I have been there before on the bike so it wasn’t a difficult decision.  Sure.  I work in Grove City which is on the way to Foxburg.  Rather than ride home to West Middlesex and then back past work, I would just meet them at the Sheetz in Harrisville.  I would need gas anyway.  The only catch was that Bill, Beth’s husband, didn’t get off work until 5 pm.  No biggie.  I could find something to do out this way until they got here.  I didn’t want to eat dinner yet, because there was some discussion of possibly eating at or near the Foxburg area.  I grabbed a snack at Sheetz to tide me over until then.  We met as planned about 6:20 or so at Sheetz.

Beth’s friend Sandy came with them.  Bill has a full dresser that carries passengers much more comfortably than Beth’s 250 Rebel or my Magna.  We met as planned and continued out Rt 58 to Foxburg.  We all needed to eat so we  tossed around the idea of eating at the Allegheny Grille right along the river.  After checking out the menu’s, we had the hostess show us to seats out on the deck.

Our waiter’s name was Flip (short for Phillip the III).  Flip was a pretty cool guy.  He took our silliness in jest and seemed to enjoy waiting on folks who weren’t so …  straight laced.  We enjoyed our food as the sun set over the hill.  We stopped in the chocolate shop for a bit then hopped back on the bikes to head for Emlenton Truckstop “Home of America’s Worst… errrr… Best Apple Pie”.  We ate dessert there.  I hit home shortly after ten o’clock.

I got up Saturday morning with a few chores in mind to complete.  Chores complete, one of which included a ride to the Mercer County Sherrif’s Office to renew my concealed carry permit, I stopped at my usual lunch haunt, Hogan’s Heroes Sub Shop.  I spent the rest of the afternoon relaxing at home doing odd things.  It was fairly warm… Ok, Hot… so I had been giving thought to taking an evening ride somewhere.  I wasn’t really sure where I wanted to go.

I got another text from Beth that evening.  They wanted to ride up to Linesville Spillway.  Sure, what the heck, I wanted to go for a ride anyway.  It was a rough evening on the bikes.  Maggie has been having issues with her carbs every so often.  She takes occasional fits of shutting off at low idle or when coming to a stop.  She was running rough all day.  I really need to get those carbs torn down and cleaned.

Bill’s bike had a howling sound coming from the back end.  We decided his back tire was low.  No problem, there was a Sheetz not too far ahead.  He could air it up there.  Like many Sheetz air stations, the hose had seen better days.  Instead of putting air into the tire, it let more air out.  Bri was riding with Bill so there was no way he should be riding double on 30 lbs of air.  I knew there was a Country Fair up the road that I thought had air.  I road up to be sure so that we weren’t running Bill’s tire any longer than necessary at unsafe pressures.  Tires aired up, we continued on our way.

We arrived at the Spillway around 7 or a little after.  I walked over to the concession stand, surprised to find it still open, and bought a bag of fish food.  I have been going to the Spillway since I was a little kid.  I shared my fish food with a couple of toddlers just to watch their faces light up as the carp scrambled to get their fair share as the pellets hit the water.  We spent quite a while at the spillway.  It was a nice evening.  A breeze was blowing off the lake.

We discussed dinner before we got back on the bikes.  Again, our sideways sense of humor showed.  Someone, Bri I think, suggested somewhere in West Virginia and that started the silliness.  We ended up stopping at Pizza Hut in Greenville.  Another dark ride home and another enjoyable ride.

Sunday, I had planned on riding the WMVFD Poker Run.  I woke up about 6 am with my back and neck throbbing.  After feeding Tink, I laid back down.  There were storms moving through the area with heavy rain.  Already sore, I decided it was best not to ride in the rain.  Had I already prepaid for the event, I probably would have gone.  My rain gear works pretty well.  I didn’t do much all day.  I think it was about 6 ish when I finally decided to go get something for dinner.  The rest of the night was quiet.  Chatting on the computer, playing with Tink and watching some of the shananigans that were going on at the Olympics.

Folks thought I’d miss being at the track every Saturday night.  To be honest… These past few Saturday’s have been great.  I can do something with friends if I want or I can do nothing at all and my clothes and atv aren’t getting ruined by the dirt and crap from the track.  I think it was a good choice.   That being said… Lunch is over so I guess I should get back to chasing purchase requests. ~Cappy

I made it through the July 26th date without much complication. It probably helped that I wasn’t feeling well and slept alot keeping my mind off things. Anger and depression have been pushed to the back by trying to get my body straightened out. Crazy bug of some sort… I hope. I did get stung a couple times while mowing the grass the other night. There is still a welt on my back where one of the stings hit. Maybe it was something related to that.

The lovely little dynamite dig didn’t yield anything, much as I expected. More than 70 years have passed since the stuff was buried. Somene must have dug it up or stumbled across it in that period of time. They had to check though. Don’t want someone digging new footings for the new bridge and hitting unstable dynamite. So much for the big excitement in West Middlesex. We actually made the news fairly regularly for a couple of weeks. WOO HOO! HAHA.

Tink has been feeling better. She spends a lot of time giving me leg hugs and being spoiled. She’s such a card. I bought her one of those sandpaper arches to dig on. She’s dug on it maybe twice. She likes to sit on it like a thrown. If I go out to the store or to work in the shed, I can almost count on seeing her highness sitting on it when I come back to the door.

Probably going to ride the West Middlesex VFD’s Poker Run this Sunday. It should be fun. I was supposed to be watching for advertisements so I could register in advance. I somehow missed them. Oh well, there is onsite registration. Should be a fun ride. I know alot of folks in the Fire Dept.

Not much exciting going on right now. If I think of anything else, I’ll throw another update up.

… of many types.

Saturday was a day of trials for me.  Trials are tests, whether they be tests of products, abilities or life’s little challenges.  So this is where my story begins…

Every year a couple of friends of mine help with the Pittsburgh Vintage Grand Prix.  Their motorcycle club works as security on track.  Basically, what it amounts to is watching that people don’t come out on the track from the various trails that come from the woods.  The idea of using motorcyclelists for this is actually pretty good.  Someone on a motorcycle can easily get around the track to remote locations and park without needing a designated parking area.  Since I have the motorcycle and enjoy racing, I thought this would be a fun way to spend the weekend.  The Grand Prix is a charity event that benefits the Allegheny Schools and promotes Autism awareness, so my weekend of fun would also benefit a good cause.

There were several firsts that would come out of doing this weekend:

1. Testing out my tank bag I bought for the motorcycle.
2. Riding my motorcycle in downtown Pittsburgh
3. Seeing a Grand Prix style race in person
4. Working a race other than an oval dirt track

All of these things had their own challenges.

Testing the tank bag was more or less just to see if I was comfortable riding with it mounted on the gas tank.  It wasn’t too bad.  On the highway, it seemed to have no affect on the bike at all, either comfort or handling wise.  It did present some need to change my technique for handling extremely slow turns in parking lots and such as the bars do touch the bag.  Its not a hinderence.  I’m just not used to having something there when I turn the bars.  I bought the bag for taking one or two night trips on the bike.  It makes a nice addition to my day runner pack that I have been using.  It passed muster and I will be using it more often, even on same day rides or rides where I may be purchasing items and need the space.

The next challenge, riding in downtown Pittsburgh, was the one I thought would be the hardest.  I’ve driven in Pittsburgh alot.  We had customers downtown when I worked for Aries Resources.  It was nothing to be into Pittsburgh for a meeting or what not and be back to the office in Mercer by Noon.  I have only been riding officially a year now so there are some things I’m still weary of.  Riding around in the traffic without my protective cage was something I knew would be different.  It wasn’t actually that bad.  You have to put your head on a swivel and use the bike’s agility to move around traffic and stay away from problems.

There was a surprise challenge to the Pittsburgh ride besides the fact that I left the house at 5:15 AM!  I was set to meet one of my coworkers at the Sheetz in Grove City.  We would ride together down to the second meeting spot where we would pick up the rest of the group.  We hopped on Interstate 79 to make time.  Just beyond the Slippery Rock exit, I started picking up water droplets on my windscreen.  The drops continued to pile up.  This wasn’t rain.  It was mist like the remnants of a fog hanging over the area.  My helmet visor was staying clear for the most part thanks to my windshield.  I could see that Gilly was starting to have problems with his visor.  His bike doesn’t have a tall windscreen like mine.  We reached the meeting point and dried our shields.  Jim Davis arrived on his little Yamaha 200 Enduro.  He told us he was going to keep moving so that he didn’t slow the rest of us down.  He would be waiting for us just before the downtown exits.

The rest of the group arrived and we headed towards Pittsburgh.  The mist picked up.  The roads were now wet.  This was my first experience riding the interstate at 55-65 MPH on wet roads.  The bike felt like it was sticking to the road ok, but my confidence in my riding was not quite as solid.  I’ve ridden in rain on back roads where I could take my time, but on the interstate, you have other objects around you that dictate your speed.  We found Jim.  As we pulled over to stop and regroup, my back tire locked up as I was downshifting and breaking.  I held the lock until the bike was slowed to where I could control it.  I was a little unsettled by the skid.  The bike didn’t fishtail or anything but I was in a pack of riders.  I wasn’t sure whether I was going to be able to stop or if the guys behind me would be able to avoid me.  Everyone stopped.  I found out when we got to the park that I wasn’t the only one who lost traction on the semi-wet concrete.  It was a bit consoling to know that even the guys in the club who had been riding for years had similar riding problems.  It wasn’t just something I messed up.  The road was just slick.

We reported in and registered.  I was surprised that we didn’t have to sign a waiver.  Waivers are standard practice for being on-track or even in the pits at most of the races I’ve been to.  Whatever… I got my assignment.  I would be at the corner by Phipps Conservatory.  The event seemed pretty well organized.  They would provide food for the volunteers (aka us). A radio vendor supplied what must have been a couple hundred two way radios.  There was coffee and donuts for the Motorcycle Security Crew.  Other Security folks were handled by another person at their own station.  The only thing I saw lacking at that point, was a little bit of orientation about what they expected you to do.  Fortunately, I was with a crew of guys who has been doing this for several years.  My own experience as Head of Security at MRP also helped.  I took my station and settled in for the morning shift.

My job was basically to keep folks from coming up the path onto the racing surface.  I’d say a total of maybe thirty-five people came up the trail all day.  I worked the afternoon shift there as well.  Most of the people that came up the path turned around willingly without me having to say much at all.  There were a few who asked questions about where they could get across the track.  This is where the orientation/training might have benefitted.  A few others got belligerant.  One guy even showed me his IQ.  It required him to use both hands!

I love the excuses people make up to try and bypass security at races.  I had everything thing from “I’m late for work” to “My best friend’s appendix exploded! I need to get to CMU.  He was admitted there.”  First of all CMU stands for Carnegie Mellon University.  It isn’t a hospital.  Understand, I am not heartless.  You can’t make special exceptions in a race event like this.  Should the person get hurt while you escort him across the track, the event organizers are liable.  Should he cross the track successfully, forty-two more people will show up at your location with similar excuses to try and cross.  This was one other place I think the even could have used a bit more organization.  Crossings needed to be designated and marked.  I couldn’t even tell them where they should go to get across because it wasn’t on the map.  Small issues in the overall planning of an event like that, but one that can haunt you if someone crosses at the wrong point.

I guess the best excuse I had was from the fellow that worked at Phipps.  He claimed noone told Phipps this event was happening.  That’s odd?  They didn’t know it was going on?  The race takes place right outside their building (within 30 feet of it to be exact).  Parking is in the field across the street from the main entrance of Phipps.  The road course takes all week to lay out.  Cement barriers were placed across the road which leads to the main entrance.  Yet… at least according to this poor soul… noone at Phipps knew this event was happening.  Hmmm.. I guess it takes longer than thirty years… yes… 30 years… for information to travel across the street.  This was the 30th anniversary of the Grand Prix.  He had his cell phone.  Yet he couldn’t call work.  Blah ba blah.  Some people are oblivious.

The other excuse that I got was that this guy road the shuttle from the parking lot up to the display area where most of the event was going on.  They had car dealers and other vendors set up in an area near the Golf Club.  Apparently… or at least according to him… the shuttle somehow did not take him back to the parking lot.  Instead of waiting for the shuttle to come back on its next round and riding it back to the proper spot, he decided to take the trails across the park.  He wasn’t happy when every point where the path crossed the track was blocked.  Maybe next time he will pay attention to his shuttle routes instead of having to walk an extra few miles back to get on the shuttle he should have stayed on to start with.

The organizers hold a catered dinner after the event to thank those who volunteered.  I had planned on staying for dinner.  I wanted to also go up and roam around the paddock area and take some still pictures of the cars.  My back was extremely stiff and sore by day’s end.  I haven’t hurt this bad in quite a while.  I could barely lift my leg to get on the bike.  I decided that home was the best choice.  I turned in my radio and headed out of Pittsburgh with thoughts of grabbing a sandwich at Wendy’s in Cranberry and giving the bike a shot of fuel as well.  I got to Cranberry and turned into the plaza where Wendy’s is.  As I made the turn, I noticed that all the chairs where up on the tables and the employees were gathered around the counter.  “So much for a quick burger.” I thought to myself.  I turned in to Kings next door.

I ate my chicken parm… a way bigger portion than I expected…  and hit the road for home.  Tired and sore, the bike felt heavy as I made my way up route 19.  I was too tired to run the interstate.  By the time I hit the Route 422 exit, I had made up my mind that the back road stuff was not going to work.  I got on 422 and headed home, greatful that there wasn’t much traffic.  I ran the four lane clear to West Middlesex.  I parked the bike and took the bags off and put them in the truck.  I felt like I could collapse at any moment.  A quick shower didn’t loosen anything up.  I laid down on the bed with the intent of only taking a short nap.

I woke up at 6 am this morning to Tink sitting on my chest, staring at me and licking her lips.  Yes, my Queen… You can have your breakfast.  I came down stairs to find I had left the lights on.  I hadn’t put the bottled water away like I had intended.  It was still sitting in the cooler on the table.  I’ve been laying around all day trying to summon the energy to do something.  Originally, I had planned on working both days.  Had I done that… Ugh… I think I would be missing a few days work this week.  Hopefully, resting today will be enough and I won’t need to take time off to recover.

It was a long day.  I’m not sure how interested I am in attending Grand Prix races as a spectator.  I think I would have enjoyed the racing more had I been in more of a space where I could see more “racing”.  Racing in my opinion is more than just cars flying by.  I like to see the cars battling it out fender to fender.  Would I help again with the Pittsburgh Vintage Grand Prix again? Absolutely!  It is a great race for a great cause.  I would, however, limit myself to a half day shift like the rest of the group did.

Ugh.. I just realized that this entry is rambling on into delerium.  If you’re still reading, I appologize.  All in all a good day was had.  Learned things about my riding ability good and bad.  Enjoyed a day helping kids with Autism and lived to tell about it.  Now, back to figuring out what I’m going to do with the rest of this day.

~Cappy

… is hard!

I went back to work this week after being on vacation the week before.  Rough stuff to get back into the swing of.  I don’t know why it is but it always seems like I need a vacation to recover from my vacation.  I didn’t do anything strenuous for vacation.  I just stayed at home.  Still…  I had to work to get up Monday to go back to the office.

This has been a weird week at home as well.  I get home. Eat dinner and kick back to relax a bit before doing laundry, etc…  Every night I’ve fallen asleep for about an hour and a half.  The last couple night’s naps have been driven by back pain.  I know the weather is going to change for the weekend because the internal barometer is really sounding its alarm.  That’s ok… Got nothing planned for the weekend.

Tink seems to be feeling better.  She’s playing a lot now.   She can be such a card sometimes.   I tossed a box on the floor last week after taking out the contents.  She immediately laid claim to it.  So now there are four boxes in the living room.  One, I call her nip box because that’s where she goes when she wants nip and she plays with it in there.  The other two are a small paper box lid and a shoe box that have toys in them.  The toys in the little paper box lid she doesn’t show much interest in.  I put them in there so they weren’t laying all over the house.  The shoe box, however, is the mousy torturing box.  I got her a mouse that you fill with your own fresh catnip.  She will throw that thing around all over the place.  Somehow, it always ends up back in the box.

I have had some odd thoughts and dreams over this past week.  I wish I were more outgoing so that I wasn’t so much the nerdy stereo type.  Staying at home with my computers and such instead of hanging out at bars and the like.   No.. I do not live in my parents basement.  I have my own house.  :-p   I’m just not much for hanging out in large crowds of people.  It’s ok for work but just to quote ‘go out and have a good time’… not my thing.  The reason I don’t like to hang out doesn’t have so much to do with drunks or smokers offending me… to each his own.  It has more to do with not feeling relaxed in those situations.  I’d much rather tinker around by myself than ‘be one of the crowd’.   People ask why I went to Disney last year by myself.  I had no one else to go with me but that was ok.   I was able to do my own thing.  Ride what I wanted to ride.  Take a break when I needed or wanted to.  I had a really great time.

Thinking as I composed that last paragraph, I noted to myself (and now to you guys) that I feel alone when I’m in a crowd.  I guess its an out of place feeling like I don’t fit in.  There are very few folks in my life that I enjoy hanging out with.  Those select few who I spend time with know who they are.  I hold these folks as special people,  more  like family than friends.   The rest of the time I feel like a third wheel.   If you are a friend of mine and I don’t hang out with you a lot, don’t fret.  It’s not that I don’t like you.  I just haven’t let you into my comfort zone… My personal time and space where I feel like I belong.  If you see me out somewhere, you will often notice that even though there are a bunch of people I know, I am off somewhere by myself.  It happened at the July 4th shindig.  I sat at the table with my dad.  When he left, I hung out by myself.  At the pool, I found my own little patch of water and just enjoyed being refreshed.  I wasn’t upset with anyone.  I just wanted my space, mentally and physically.

I feel that way at work as well.  I don’t fit in to the group.  I ask myself why the guys don’t ask me to go to lunch with them, but then I think “I don’t really want to go to lunch with anyone.  Just give me some time with my thoughts.”  I guess that’s one of the reasons I haven’t changed jobs yet, even though I should.  I lack the confidence that I can impress a new employer to the point of improving my job situation.  Confidence is a word I rarely apply to myself.   Over the past few years especially, I just have no faith in myself.  I have been chastised on more than one occasion for thinking that way but its the truth.  I know what I am capable of, yet I still don’t feel comfortable in most situations.

Oh well… Enough sulking I guess.  Maybe I’ll win the lottery and take another Bahamas vacation.  Oh yeah… You have to play to win.  I win daily because the money I would have wasted by losing tickets stays in my pocket.  I know.. there’s that lack of confidence thing again.

I guess I’ll go change laundry into the drier and head off to bed.  THAT I am pretty sure I can handle right now!

G’night!

~Cappy